Mama

Until just recently, Ella wouldn't say mama. Not that she was unable to say it, she just thought it was funny to say everyone else's name but not mine. She'd look at Hal--"Daddy!", at my dad--"Pop!", and at me--"Daddy!" followed by laughter. Until a few weeks ago, I had only heard her say mama about 3 times, and all three were crying out in her crib when she didn't want to take a nap. "Maaaaaaaammmmaaaaa". Soulful. Gut-wrenching.

Then, one day she just started saying it. Now she says it all the time. She puts her hands up in the air and says, "Up, Mama." She giggles her way through the word while I'm tickling her belly. She comes up and gives me a hug and wants to love me so hard that she'll pretend to bite my shoulder because biting is the only way to express the size of her emotion. (Luckily, she hasn't figured out she can bite when she's mad yet.) And then, "Mama, mama, mama" and a huge smile.

Then, yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts, an Aha! moment, if you will (shoutout to Oprah). We were in the car on our way home from preschool, and Ella was in her carseat chanting my name over and over. Mama, mama, mama, mama, etc. I'd turn back and smile and say, "You're a silly girl," and she'd point to things out the window for me to look at. And I realized in that moment how lucky I was to have waited so long to hear her say my name. I've heard many mothers tell me (in moments of frustration, which we all have) how annoying it is when their toddler constantly walks around poking at them and saying, "Mama..this, Mama...that, Mama..why?, Mama...up!" No doubt, months spent with this level of neediness is exhausting, speaking from experience. But I can honestly say that after 18 months of never hearing my daughter call out to me, except in frustration a handful of times, I don't know if I will ever tire of hearing it.

A friend of a friend of mine passed away this week from a 6-year battle with breast cancer. She left behind a husband and a 6-year-old boy. She found out about the cancer while she was pregnant, and the doctors gave her less than a year to live. She lived 6 more. Another friend of the same friend of mine was diagnosed while 3 months pregnant with lymphoma. She gave birth right before Christmas, and just found out two weeks ago that it has progressed to stage 4 and has entered her brain. She is awaiting a clinical trial and undergoing radiation. The odds are very much against her. Her baby is still in the NICU.

I can't stop thinking about these women. I can't even describe all the thoughts in my head surrounding their battles and lives and loss. They're just like me in so many ways. But did they or will they ever take for granted hearing their child call for them in the night? Or run to them and hug their neck? So many moments missed or lost. I can only say that today, because of their fight, I'm going to hug my little girl tighter and longer, and let her say my name as many times as she wants.

Preschool

I have been looking into Mother's Day Out programs and preschools for several months now, trying to determine when would be a good time to start Ella on one. Several start at 18 months or 2 years, and I was happy to wait until she was two. If it doesn't work out, I'd still be happy to wait. But we thought it might be time to give it a shot.

Today was her first day, and she LOVED it. Granted, it took her about 30 minutes to warm up to the idea. She was not happy when I left her. But I called a few hours in and they told me that once she hit the playground, she never looked back and was having a ball. What made me feel even better was that she took an hour and a half nap while there! For anyone who knows about Ella's sleeping journey, she has NEVER taken that long of a nap, unless someone was holding her (which we did for a LONG while, until our arms got really buff and we decided that we liked the way they looked enough to put her down). :)

When I went to pick her up, she had to show me all of her toys and take me around all the places they went for the day. It was very cute and comforting for Mommy who had been worried about her most of the day.

Another plus, which should be noted because it's too good of a deal to not mention, is the fact that I have from 9-2 to myself twice a week. Sweet!

We're gonna see how it goes, but hopefully this is a sign of good things to come.

Ulta

My mom, Ella and I were running errands yesterday, and I stopped in at Ulta to buy some shampoo.

We left with a bottle of shampoo (purchased), conditioner (purchased), and two small bottles of scented body lotion in a snowman bag (NOT purchased!).

The thief strikes again!

Luckily, the ladies behind the counter thought she was a cute thief, so we all got a small giggle out of it. Little did they know...

Disney

Hal and I just booked our first family vacation. Destination: Disney.

That's right--the Denbars are invading the Magic Kingdom, and I, for one, could not be more excited! I'll admit that I'm a bit of a Disney fanatic. I realize I'm no longer twelve, but Disney, for me, represents the carefree, happy, joyful childhood that I had and remember so fondly. Plus, Hal has only been once, around age 2, and only remembers the Tea Cups--sooo not even the best ride in Fantasy Land. Hellllooo....Mr. Toad's Wild Ride??

So, for months I've been waiting impatiently for Ella to finally pay attention to a Disney movie. Every few weeks, I put one on to see if she'll bite. Finally, two weeks ago, she did. And WHAT movie did she in fact choose? Cinderella, with her Fairy Godmother, troop of eager mice and above all, glass slipper? No way. Sleeping Beauty, with her quaint cottage and three loving but overbearing Good Fairies? Nu-uh.

Monsters, Inc.

Monsters....Inc. Did NOT see that one coming.

I've now watched Monsters, Inc. at least 15 times. It's cute, I guess. I must say, however, that my heart still holds out hope for every single Disney princess.

Thief! Thief!

If I had to describe Ella in just one word (impossible, but if I HAD to), it would be sweet. She loves to give kisses--big, fat, juicy ones right on the lips. She loves to come up behind me and put her arms around my shoulders and just hug. I love that she loves to do both of those things.

Apparently, Ella also loves to shoplift. She has now shoplifted a pack of Extra Tropical gum from HEB and a rubber ducky from Pier One. I let the gum thing go because what actually happened was she dropped it into our cart at the checkout line and I failed to see it until we got to the car. Mind you, I took it home with the intention to return it on our next trip and Hal opened it and took three pieces. Oops.
But then the rubber ducky happened. Neither my mom nor I can figure out how she got the duck out of Pier One since we specifically saw her put it back into the bin. However she did it, she's stealth. I secretly think she recognized the rubber ducky from the Sesame Street Ernie's bathtime videos that we watch, decided then and there that she needed a bathtime friend, and maneuvered the duck into her jacket pocket. She then managed to hide it for four or five days, making it awkward for us to take it back and admit that almost a week ago our 17-month-old beat the system. Whatever the case, I feel it's important to note the appropriateness of the phrase, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I need to keep a better eye out apparently. Maybe she's not so sweet after all...

Ella the Shoplifter: 1 Pier One: 0

Halloween!

Weaning

I questioned even writing this post, as it surrounds a sensitive, private, and somewhat hotly debated topic, but since this blog was created to chronicle Ella's milestones and special moments, it's a must.

Nursing, for myself as much as for Ella, has been a major part of the parenting journey so far. When she was a newborn, I felt like I'd never get my body back to myself, and there were definitely moments of resentment. However, most of the time, it was and has been just this magical continuation of my relationship with my daughter that started when she was in my belly. It was how we stayed connected to one another even though we no longer shared the same physical space. It was, overall, one of the biggest joys and blessings of the 16 months we've spent, day and night, together. I'm sad to see it go. Many tears have, and will be, shed in its passing.

But, for the first time, I'm harboring this amazing feeling that Ella is really growing into her independence, and that, in turn, means I get some of mine back too. I decided to start weaning last Tuesday, really because Ella had been very sick with a stomach bug for about 3 weeks, and once she was well, I was desperate to nurse her less often. So I decided that I would start (very slowly) cutting back her nursing sessions from 6-7 per day down to none. I would start with the morning feeding, then after several days, I would cut out any other feedings that didn't surround napping or bedtime. Then, painfully, I would cut out the naps and bedtime. I assumed this would all take about 6-8 weeks. I was prepared; I had my gameface on.

Today is day 6. We are down to one nap and bedtime--although so far today she's napped in the car for 20 minutes and with Hal while he was with her this afternoon. So really, today we're down to bedtime. I won't go so far as to say that this process will be done in the next few days. I'm not rushing it. But the funny thing is that Ella doesn't seem to mind the speed of this process one bit. So, we'll see how the next 6 days go. If they're even partly as smooth as the last 6, I'll look back and wonder why I stressed out so much. Still, any prayers and good thoughts are greatly appreciated (especially about Mommy's emotions)!