Last Sunday my neighbor Becky and I went to Starbucks after our kids went to bed and just hung out and caught up. It was so wonderful. When Ella and Helena were infants (they are 4 months apart), Becky and I would switch their carseats into one of our cars and drive all over Austin together--going to lunch at Uppercrust or taking a Mommy/Baby yoga class. I can't believe it's been 3 years since we've done that!
When we had our first kids, I was the one giving Becky pep talks and advice, since I was a few months ahead on the parenting journey. Now, her second is almost 1 1/2 and Haddie is only 4 months, so she's been busy filling me in on what to expect with two little ones and also lending an ear as I work out all the "new" that this season has brought.
She said several things that made great sense, and one thing that just about took the wind out of me with its simplicity and poignancy for my life. We were talking about parenthood, wanting more kids or not, how children change your life and marriage...you know, light conversation on a fun girls' night out. Ha. We both came to the conclusion that exhaustion will be a constant in this life stage. And then Becky went on to say that one thing she had learned in having her two kids is that she is flat out going to be exhausted, so she can be exhausted and mean, impatient and grumpy, or she can be exhausted and play with and enjoy her kids. That if they jump on her back, she should just play with them.
Poignant. Simple. This is my new truth.
It's both easy and difficult to behave my way into success with this. Easy because I'm home all day, so the opportunities are plentiful to just enjoy Ella and Haddie. Man, they are fun. Difficult because I'm home all day so the opportunities are equally as plentiful to backslide and be impatient with them. I've succeeded and failed in equal measure so far, I think, but then again I feel happier and more peaceful this week. More of each day is spent in enjoyment and less and less in frustration. I think that counts for something. And even better, I've found myself in actual wonderment of them on several occasions--when Ella gets on her bike and rides it without my help, or that Haddie watches, smiles at, and laughs at Ella more than anyone else. That they are really loving each other. Beautiful stuff. The stuff of life.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
Life moves pretty fast...
...with two kids.
Man, oh, man--it's amazing how quickly the days fly by. And also how slowly they can go. I think it's hard to have appropriate perspective on time with a 3 1/2 year old and a 3 month old for several reasons, but let's be honest, lack of sleep is the main culprit. I miss napping with Ella. She doesn't nap much anymore when she's home, so I'm trying to take advantage of her school days to make sure I get some rest.
I've had to consistently remind myself that we're still in "Survival Mode" to a great extent, since Haddie is still up 2-3 times per night. I'm not against the Ferber "cry-it-out" method for her if this keeps up into months 4 or 5, but I will say that it's difficult to imagine letting her cry like that because her reflux really gives her some trouble at times. She is just precious and sweet and smiley, and it's obvious the second she has reflux or tummy issues because she becomes so uncomfortable and upset. So, for now, we will keep going the way we're going, and I'll nap when Ella's at school.
As for Ella, we have an appointment on Tuesday with a pediatric pulmonologist, who we hope will help us figure out how to get her asthma under better control. This is, without a doubt, a major cause of stress for me, and is becoming compromising for her in regards to her ability to run, play, be outside, and other favorite 3-year-old activities. Her constant cough and inflamed airways certainly add to the feeling of "Survival Mode" living. I cannot stand that she's constantly between bronchitis/pneumonia/respiratory infection and getting over bronchitis/pneumonia/respiratory infection. It breaks my heart, and it makes me worry about her health. There's nothing like a chronic symptom, like a cough, to make you constantly aware that your child isn't fully well. I truly believe that this is a huge opportunity for me to practice empathy, patience, faith and perseverance. If you had asked me (or even better Hal) before we had Ella what one of my weakest traits was the answer would have been something like, "Laura has no patience or empathy for people when they are sick." I couldn't stand when Hal got sick---in some ridiculous way it was as if he was doing it to push my buttons. Absolutely no sympathy. And likewise, when I was sick, I just wanted to be alone, in my room, in my own misery. I wouldn't complain about how I felt, but I also didn't allow any empathy or help to come my way. Ella has changed my heart in that way. And let me say honestly that it is very difficult to open your heart up to the feelings that accompany you when you are caring for your chronically sick child. I do have perspective with this--I fully realize the small scope of Ella's health issues in comparison to many. However, I'm tired of people commenting in stores about her "smoker's cough". And really, who says that about a 3-year-old? Apparently lots of people...twice this week already. Anyway, if you think about it over the next few days/weeks/months, send a little prayer up for her or some warm fuzzies. I'm sure answers are coming, so we are moving forward with faith and positive thinking. :)
Love my little women. Love. love. love.
Man, oh, man--it's amazing how quickly the days fly by. And also how slowly they can go. I think it's hard to have appropriate perspective on time with a 3 1/2 year old and a 3 month old for several reasons, but let's be honest, lack of sleep is the main culprit. I miss napping with Ella. She doesn't nap much anymore when she's home, so I'm trying to take advantage of her school days to make sure I get some rest.
I've had to consistently remind myself that we're still in "Survival Mode" to a great extent, since Haddie is still up 2-3 times per night. I'm not against the Ferber "cry-it-out" method for her if this keeps up into months 4 or 5, but I will say that it's difficult to imagine letting her cry like that because her reflux really gives her some trouble at times. She is just precious and sweet and smiley, and it's obvious the second she has reflux or tummy issues because she becomes so uncomfortable and upset. So, for now, we will keep going the way we're going, and I'll nap when Ella's at school.
As for Ella, we have an appointment on Tuesday with a pediatric pulmonologist, who we hope will help us figure out how to get her asthma under better control. This is, without a doubt, a major cause of stress for me, and is becoming compromising for her in regards to her ability to run, play, be outside, and other favorite 3-year-old activities. Her constant cough and inflamed airways certainly add to the feeling of "Survival Mode" living. I cannot stand that she's constantly between bronchitis/pneumonia/respiratory infection and getting over bronchitis/pneumonia/respiratory infection. It breaks my heart, and it makes me worry about her health. There's nothing like a chronic symptom, like a cough, to make you constantly aware that your child isn't fully well. I truly believe that this is a huge opportunity for me to practice empathy, patience, faith and perseverance. If you had asked me (or even better Hal) before we had Ella what one of my weakest traits was the answer would have been something like, "Laura has no patience or empathy for people when they are sick." I couldn't stand when Hal got sick---in some ridiculous way it was as if he was doing it to push my buttons. Absolutely no sympathy. And likewise, when I was sick, I just wanted to be alone, in my room, in my own misery. I wouldn't complain about how I felt, but I also didn't allow any empathy or help to come my way. Ella has changed my heart in that way. And let me say honestly that it is very difficult to open your heart up to the feelings that accompany you when you are caring for your chronically sick child. I do have perspective with this--I fully realize the small scope of Ella's health issues in comparison to many. However, I'm tired of people commenting in stores about her "smoker's cough". And really, who says that about a 3-year-old? Apparently lots of people...twice this week already. Anyway, if you think about it over the next few days/weeks/months, send a little prayer up for her or some warm fuzzies. I'm sure answers are coming, so we are moving forward with faith and positive thinking. :)
Love my little women. Love. love. love.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Hello, Haddie!
Ok, we had a baby on Halloween. And it's taken me until now to find the computer again.
Ahhhh, a newborn baby. Is there anything better? I want to drink her up. I want her to stay little forever. I want her to grow up and talk to me. I want to take in every second with her and commit it to memory. She's my precious baby, and I am just so unbelievably thankful for her.
I don't have time to write much right now, but I'm writing this little bit to force myself back into the blogging world. I don't want to miss what Haddie or Ella are doing these days.
But for now, allow me to introduce (courtesy of Sweet Louise Photography)...
Haddie Louise Denbar, our perfect Halloween treat.
And one of both girls, so happy to be sisters. In fact, just today as my mom and the girls were in REI playing in the tents, Ella would leave and wander for a minute, and Haddie would start to whine and dart her eyes looking for Ella. They are crazy about each other.
Ahhhh, a newborn baby. Is there anything better? I want to drink her up. I want her to stay little forever. I want her to grow up and talk to me. I want to take in every second with her and commit it to memory. She's my precious baby, and I am just so unbelievably thankful for her.
I don't have time to write much right now, but I'm writing this little bit to force myself back into the blogging world. I don't want to miss what Haddie or Ella are doing these days.
But for now, allow me to introduce (courtesy of Sweet Louise Photography)...
Haddie Louise Denbar, our perfect Halloween treat.
And one of both girls, so happy to be sisters. In fact, just today as my mom and the girls were in REI playing in the tents, Ella would leave and wander for a minute, and Haddie would start to whine and dart her eyes looking for Ella. They are crazy about each other.
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