Sisters

I've spent a good deal of time over the last two weeks contemplating what I feel about having two girls.  When we found out Ella was going to have a baby sister, it was such an exciting feeling.  First, because we didn't find out the gender when we were pregnant with Ella, so it was fun to already start planning and dreaming.  Second, because Hal and I had both said that although we would honestly be thrilled with either one, we would love for Ella to have a sister to bond with and share childhood with.

What I didn't expect, although I can truly understand why it happened, was the frequent question, "Are you disappointed that it's not a boy?" or worse, "Is Hal?"

And because no one who reads this blog ever asked me that, and because this blog is really more about chronicling the growth of my family, specifically my kiddos, I wanted to flesh out some realizations that this specific question has helped me to discover.

1.  I think it is totally natural for a parent (and pretty much anyone and everyone) to want or wish for one of each, boy and girl.  I was watching Modern Family and Mitchell and Cameron (a gay couple who have already adopted a little girl) are trying to adopt a little boy now.  It made me realize that the desire for one of each may not be gender-based (all dads want a boy, all moms want a girl, etc.) as much as it is a desire to experience the different and special things about each one.  This leads me to reiterate that I really do see the natural segue from hearing that we're having another girl to asking if it disappointed us.

2. It didn't disappoint us.  This is the best realization of all.  It's probably easy to believe that it didn't disappoint me. But Hal really surprised me with how excited he is to have another girl.  The truth is that we went through some tough times in trying to get pregnant again.  It was a difficult journey, and our ability to even have another baby seemed, at times, unlikely.  And as we rounded the year-mark and blew past it, there was a God-given peace and satisfaction that overcame our family of three.  We were a unit, and we were happy to have one another.  Not that it took away the dream of another baby, but it allowed us to accept that our family, most likely, one way or another, wouldn't look exactly like the postcard family, or even the family that we had always thought we would look like.  This obviously has more depth than can be explained in a blog post, but the bottom line is that I can see more clearly now after praying and struggling for another baby than I ever could have before that it was always going to be Ella and Haddie (she has a name!).  God knew what I felt so lost about all along. My daughters would be these two, and their existence and creation and growth is not from me, but from Him.  They are gifts that I have been entrusted to raise and shelter and grow--but they are His to lead and use for His good.

And I hope they love each other as much as I love them. :)