Life moves pretty fast...

...with two kids.

Man, oh, man--it's amazing how quickly the days fly by.  And also how slowly they can go.  I think it's hard to have appropriate perspective on time with a 3 1/2 year old and a 3 month old for several reasons, but let's be honest, lack of sleep is the main culprit.  I miss napping with Ella.  She doesn't nap much anymore when she's home, so I'm trying to take advantage of her school days to make sure I get some rest.

I've had to consistently remind myself that we're still in "Survival Mode" to a great extent, since Haddie is still up 2-3 times per night.  I'm not against the Ferber "cry-it-out" method for her if this keeps up into months 4 or 5, but I will say that it's difficult to imagine letting her cry like that because her reflux really gives her some trouble at times.  She is just precious and sweet and smiley, and it's obvious the second she has reflux or tummy issues because she becomes so uncomfortable and upset.  So, for now, we will keep going the way we're going, and I'll nap when Ella's at school.

As for Ella, we have an appointment on Tuesday with a pediatric pulmonologist, who we hope will help us figure out how to get her asthma under better control.  This is, without a doubt, a major cause of stress for me, and is becoming compromising for her in regards to her ability to run, play, be outside, and other favorite 3-year-old activities.  Her constant cough and inflamed airways certainly add to the feeling of "Survival Mode" living.  I cannot stand that she's constantly between bronchitis/pneumonia/respiratory infection and getting over bronchitis/pneumonia/respiratory infection. It breaks my heart, and it makes me worry about her health.  There's nothing like a chronic symptom, like a cough, to make you constantly aware that your child isn't fully well.  I truly believe that this is a huge opportunity for me to practice empathy, patience, faith and perseverance.  If you had asked me (or even better Hal) before we had Ella what one of my weakest traits was the answer would have been something like, "Laura has no patience or empathy for people when they are sick."  I couldn't stand when Hal got sick---in some ridiculous way it was as if he was doing it to push my buttons.  Absolutely no sympathy.  And likewise, when I was sick, I just wanted to be alone, in my room, in my own misery.  I wouldn't complain about how I felt, but I also didn't allow any empathy or help to come my way.  Ella has changed my heart in that way.  And let me say honestly that it is very difficult to open your heart up to the feelings that accompany you when you are caring for your chronically sick child.  I do have perspective with this--I fully realize the small scope of Ella's health issues in comparison to many.  However, I'm tired of people commenting in stores about her "smoker's cough". And really, who says that about a 3-year-old? Apparently lots of people...twice this week already.  Anyway, if you think about it over the next few days/weeks/months, send a little prayer up for her or some warm fuzzies.  I'm sure answers are coming, so we are moving forward with faith and positive thinking. :)

Love my little women.  Love. love. love.