Hello, Haddie!

Ok, we had a baby on Halloween. And it's taken me until now to find the computer again.

Ahhhh, a newborn baby. Is there anything better? I want to drink her up.  I want her to stay little forever.  I want her to grow up and talk to me. I want to take in every second with her and commit it to memory.  She's my precious baby, and I am just so unbelievably thankful for her.

I don't have time to write much right now, but I'm writing this little bit to force myself back into the blogging world.  I don't want to miss what Haddie or Ella are doing these days.

But for now, allow me to introduce (courtesy of Sweet Louise Photography)...

Haddie Louise Denbar, our perfect Halloween treat.

And one of both girls, so happy to be sisters.  In fact, just today as my mom and the girls were in REI playing in the tents, Ella would leave and wander for a minute, and Haddie would start to whine and dart her eyes looking for Ella.  They are crazy about each other.

A Case of Mistaken Identities

Ella is obsessed with Francis Scott Key--yes, the one who wrote the Star Spangled Banner.  Several times over the last few months she's asked me to tell her what the song means, and at some point I mentioned the story of how Mr. Key came to write it.  And what I means by that is that I told her whatever vague recollection I have from Mr. Conrad's 11th grade AP U.S. History class.  It turns out that I actually remembered that story accurately (and I only scored a 3 on that AP test...obviously, I did not reach my full potential on that day). 

So, what I told my 3-year-old, which at the time I was sure was completely historically inaccurate, has led to her obsession with the man who wrote our National Anthem. We role play Francis Scott Key with My Little Ponies.  I'm Francis Scott Key making cheese quesadillas for lunch.  We acknowledge British accents on TV, and how the Brits took Mr. Key prisoner on a ship. Ridiculous.

This was all well and good.  Until the day when I realized that she had somehow mixed up two stories.  One was the story of how the National Anthem was written.  The other was how her 9th great-grandfather, William Brewster, was the elder on the Mayflower.  Both true stories.  But Ella now believes Francis Scott Key was her 9th great-grandfather. And from this mistake in historical accuracy, an obsession has grown.

I have a really hard time correcting her though, because she sings that song with such pride.

Total sidenote: 35 weeks tomorrow. Wow. Still waiting on the nursery bedding to ship.  Feeling big, but much less swollen than last time around--which is a huge plus.  She's almost here!

Getting really pregnant

Before kids, I thought pregnancy was relatively straightforward.  Are you pregnant? Yes. Or no.  Today totally reminded me of the truth, and it's been 3 years since I've had a big dose of it.  

You can be pregnant, pretty pregnant, or really pregnant (and several levels in between).  I'm starting to feel really pregnant.  I'll be 27 weeks tomorrow, and I think that makes me about a week or two away from the third trimester.  Now, just to clarify, I'm not reaaaaally pregnant just yet.  I'm just really pregnant.  Confusing? It makes total sense to me. :)

I just wanted to document that one day (give or take) before 27 weeks, I stopped being able to hunch over the computer or Ella's table to draw/play Legos or to read a book in bed and still breathe sufficiently.  My belly feels like it's in my chest, which helps my posture because I'm forced to sit up straight, but really makes me feel so much bigger.  Because when your belly/baby is pushing on your ribs, you realize there's nowhere else to go but out.  13 weeks of growing outward...yikes.

Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that 3rd cookie. 

Dancing Mood

Ella and I went to lunch after I picked her up from school today.  As she was eating her grilled cheese, she started to look rather pensive.  I asked her what she was thinking and she said, "Momma, are we gonna go home and take a nap after this?"  I said, "Yes."  "Well," she says, "before nap, let's turn on some music so I can dance." She then proceeded to start grooving in her seat, head bobbing, grilled cheese in left hand, right hand moving to whatever beat is in her head.

I asked her if she was in a dancing mood, and she asked what that meant.  I explained different moods and when I finished, she replied, "Momma, I want to be in the dancing mood please."  So we went home and danced.

On a separate note, three women stopped at our booth while we were eating to tell Ella how cute she is/what pretty hair she has.  It turns out that curly-headed blondes are magnets for adults, mostly grandparents.  They cannot walk by without commenting on the hair.  This may sound like I'm bragging, but the real reason I mention it is that Ella has actually learned to smile sweetly and to say thank you.  It's actually pretty hilarious. When I showed her a clip of Shirley Temple on YouTube (we've gotten that comparison several times), she determined that she could sing "On the Good Ship Lollipop" just as well as Ms. Temple.  My brain was reeling with thoughts of some future church talent show. And then Toddlers and Tiaras.  So I've reiterated to her 20 times today how smart she is. But at the end of the day, the girl just wants to dance. :)

Sisters

I've spent a good deal of time over the last two weeks contemplating what I feel about having two girls.  When we found out Ella was going to have a baby sister, it was such an exciting feeling.  First, because we didn't find out the gender when we were pregnant with Ella, so it was fun to already start planning and dreaming.  Second, because Hal and I had both said that although we would honestly be thrilled with either one, we would love for Ella to have a sister to bond with and share childhood with.

What I didn't expect, although I can truly understand why it happened, was the frequent question, "Are you disappointed that it's not a boy?" or worse, "Is Hal?"

And because no one who reads this blog ever asked me that, and because this blog is really more about chronicling the growth of my family, specifically my kiddos, I wanted to flesh out some realizations that this specific question has helped me to discover.

1.  I think it is totally natural for a parent (and pretty much anyone and everyone) to want or wish for one of each, boy and girl.  I was watching Modern Family and Mitchell and Cameron (a gay couple who have already adopted a little girl) are trying to adopt a little boy now.  It made me realize that the desire for one of each may not be gender-based (all dads want a boy, all moms want a girl, etc.) as much as it is a desire to experience the different and special things about each one.  This leads me to reiterate that I really do see the natural segue from hearing that we're having another girl to asking if it disappointed us.

2. It didn't disappoint us.  This is the best realization of all.  It's probably easy to believe that it didn't disappoint me. But Hal really surprised me with how excited he is to have another girl.  The truth is that we went through some tough times in trying to get pregnant again.  It was a difficult journey, and our ability to even have another baby seemed, at times, unlikely.  And as we rounded the year-mark and blew past it, there was a God-given peace and satisfaction that overcame our family of three.  We were a unit, and we were happy to have one another.  Not that it took away the dream of another baby, but it allowed us to accept that our family, most likely, one way or another, wouldn't look exactly like the postcard family, or even the family that we had always thought we would look like.  This obviously has more depth than can be explained in a blog post, but the bottom line is that I can see more clearly now after praying and struggling for another baby than I ever could have before that it was always going to be Ella and Haddie (she has a name!).  God knew what I felt so lost about all along. My daughters would be these two, and their existence and creation and growth is not from me, but from Him.  They are gifts that I have been entrusted to raise and shelter and grow--but they are His to lead and use for His good.

And I hope they love each other as much as I love them. :)

Cute story

Hal and I went to Las Vegas this weekend, so Ella stayed with my parents and Hal's for a few days.  On Friday night, just as they were getting ready for bed, Grandmommy (Hal's mom) and Ella were walking through the kitchen and saw a scorpion.  Grandmommy told Ella to stay back and not get too close as she dealt with the problem (shoe, paper towel, trashcan, etc.).

Apparently, the scorpion situation must have shaken Ella up a bit.  As Michele and Ella resumed their walk to the bedroom, Ella turned, looked up with big, scared eyes and quietly said, "Grandmommy, I may have forgotten to tell you. I have a little problem with monsters."

Be still my heart.

Babies, seizures, and bears...oh my!

Possibly I should split this post into two separate ones, but I hardly ever remember to blog these days, so I'd better do it all now.

First off, great news that we've been excited to share.  Ella is going to be a big sister!  We are all thrilled (including Ella...mostly).  I think our experience getting pregnant this time has taught us a HUGE lesson in letting go and allowing God to work his timing magic.  And He does, always.  Baby Denbar is due on Halloween, so I've officially declared to Hal that I'll dress as pregnant Snooki for the big day (total joke, but scared him for a minute).  I am, however, determined to wear a bright orange shirt with a pumpkin face around the belly and live up every minute of being 9 months pregnant and huge when the trend for many 28-year-old gals is to wear a teeny tiny nurse's outfit.  I'll try to get Hal to upload the video of Ella sitting in the infant carrier...she's having a few issues with the idea of sharing, but mostly she's excited to take care of the baby and be mommy's helper.

From good news to yuck, Ella had a febrile seizure on Wednesday.  Her temperature shot up to 103 degrees over an hour or two, and as she woke up from her nap, she started seizing. (Pause for the part where, as you can imagine, I...FREAKED...OUT).  I ran over to her and rolled her on her side while I dialed 911 and started giving the dispatcher our information.  The seizure stopped after a few minutes, and she was passed out with spit coming out of her mouth and some minor twitching every few seconds.  No sound, no eye contact, just still. It didn't even seem like she was breathing--there were these rasping sounds, like she was fighting for air.  Terrifying. The paramedics arrived within 5 minutes, and they immediately assessed that she was perfectly fine, breathing on her own, pink in color, good heart rate.  They basically explained that her little body is like a computer, and when it gets overloaded by such a sudden rise in temp, it will shut down and reboot bit by bit.  So, over the next 20 minutes, she started to wake up and make minor movements, and then eventually in the ambulance she awoke fully and could talk and knew where she was. It turns out that these are relatively common, and even better news, they are really not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things that can happen to little ones. It is really rare for there to be any damage (brain or otherwise) from a febrile seizure.  It's just the way their little bodies reset their temperature gauge if their temp rises suddenly.  Ok, still terrifying though. 

The weirdest part about it is that she's not exhibiting any other signs of major illness--no stomach upset, no major respiratory or throat issues, all things I would attribute to having such a major change in body temperature.  From what I can tell, she has a minor cold at most.

As for me, I've had a pretty hard time going to sleep the last two nights.  As soon as I close my eyes,  the images of her seizing flood my mind, and that is when I realize how traumatic of an experience it really was.  Because if you look at Ella today, she is her normal, sweet self, and life has continued like normal.

The title of this post is misleading: I have nothing to say about bears. :)  Just babies and seizures.

Things are good.  Life is good.  Seizures are not.